PS i love you
by chaini
Summary: Kagome's letter to inuyasha when she decides to leave the Feudal era
1. Chapter 1

**Ps. I love you**

Dear Inuyasha,

It kills me to write this letter. I had hoped this day would never come and that I could stay with you forever, but now I know how stupid that thought was. I know you will never understand my reasons for leaving no matter how much I explain them to you. I know that no matter how many times the others try to tell you that it was my decision and that it was the right one you will still probably end up blaming yourself for my departure. I want to tell you that that is as far from the truth that one can get. I know that you will probably hate me for doing this too. But I had to leave and it has nothing to do with any of you. Please just give me a chance to explain.

Let me first say that these last few years have been the best of my life. Shippo has become almost like a son to me and I love him just as much as I would my own child. Sango is like a sister and one of the best friends I will ever know. I never trusted someone more then I can trust her. I know I could depend on her for anything. Miroku is by far one of the wisest if not perverted person I have ever meant. I cherish every piece of advice he has ever given me and I consider him to be like a big brother, that is, if a big brother would be able to hit on you constantly.

And you, Inuyasha, you have become my other half. When we first meant I thought that you were nothing but a self centered uncaring jerk. Now I know that you are so much more. Beneath that tough, arrogant façade you have one of the kindest hearts I know. You're loyal and passionate and put everything you have in every endeavor. I have always admired your strength and the way you are willing to protect everyone you love with every fiber of your being. You have saved every one of us more times to count and though you pretend not to care, I know that you would give your life to save anyone of us. I know we fight like cats and dogs but I don't regret one moment we have spent together. No matter how much pain and suffering we had to go through these past few years I will always consider you as one of the major blessings in my life. But we both know that I can't stay here.

I don't belong in this time. Don't take me wrong, I would love to stay. I would love to live in the village where I could see you all every day. I want with all my heart to believe that we will be able to defeat Naraku, and the jewel would be forever safe. I want to be there when Shippo grows up and starts training to be strong on his own. I want to be there when Sango and Miroku are free to love each other without the cloud of death hanging over their head. I want to be there to hold their first born and to watch them get married and settle down to a happy productive life in some village. And I would love to be there to watch you finally learn to love yourself and settle down. But that is not my destiny.

My main purpose in this life is to protect the jewel. Like Kiko, my counterpart, my wants don't matter. My dreams are not important. I have no right to ask for fate to change just for me and the more I try to fight fate the more people get hurt. If I wasn't pulled into the well, the jewel would never have returned to this time. By bringing the jewel back, I destroyed so many lives. I know that you and Miroku would tell me that it was not my fault. That I was pulled into the well by Ms. Centipede and that is true. I did not ask to be brought through the well, but it was me who chose to stay here instead of returning to my own time the moment it was safe to do so.

You yourself tried to warn me of that in the beginning, Inuyasha. I use to think that you did it because you hated me, but now I realize that you were just trying to protect me. But I was too stubborn to listen to you and now look what has become of it. It because I refused to leave that Naraku grew to the strength he has. If I would have just let you handled it, you probably would have found all the jewels already and made your wish. The jewel would be gone forever. If I would have taken the shards to my own time and stayed there, Naraku would have been weak enough to be destroyed. How many people has he killed that could have been saved if I had just listened to you? Their lives are a burden that I will have to bare for the rest of my life. And now he is not going to stop. Not without someone else forcing him too.

Together we have managed to collect all but one shard of the jewel and we have also managed to weaken Naraku maybe permanently if he does not get his hands on any shards of the jewel. Miroku reassured me that as long as we have the jewels in our hand we have a chance, but we can never guaranty that we will be able to keep it within our possession. Every day it seems we have to fight another battle to keep some kind of evil individual from stealing it away from us. Each time we fight we risk losing our lives. Miroku's wind tunnel is swelling with overuse, Sango is constantly dodging attacks, and poor little Shippo has almost been killed countless times. And you, you are always the one to take the brunt of the attack. I can't keep track anymore of all the times that you have been injured sometimes almost killed. And most of them were because of me. Because I am too clumsy and careless to hold up my own in battle.

I can't ask you to risk your life anymore. We may spend years looking for the last shard. We might never find it. If that is the case, then my presents here is merely hindering you. As long as I remain here with the jewel, we risk Naraku snatching it away from us. Naraku is weaker now then he has been in some time. But his minions are still as strong and resilient as ever. They are after us constantly and that will never change. Sango's own brother has been used against us.. If I go back to my time and take the jewel with me, maybe they will stop pursuing you. Without the jewel to lend him strength, maybe Naraku could be killed and all the beings under his control freed. Sango would have her brother back, Miroku's wind tunnel would disappear and you would finally have your revenge for Kiko.

You don't have to worry about me. My archery has improved and no one in my time knows the jewel's story is real. As for the people from this time, I can seal the well against them escaping into my time. I was too weak to do it before but now my Miko skills are so much better. I have asked Keade to give me the spell to do it. Don't be mad at her. She knew that it was better this way. Besides, I begged her too.

As for the last jewel shard where ever it is, if you find it I am intrusting it to you. You have the strength to protect it now. With the jewel shard, you will be able to accomplish all the goals you have ever dreamed of. You won't be able to become a full demon of course but I don't think you desire that anymore anyway. You are so much stronger because of your mixed blood. I believe that one day you will be able to realize this. You have changed so much since we first meet and I think that anyone who just takes the time to know you will fall in love with you. I know because I had. You have so much to offer the world Inuyasha. Your brighter then you look and you have so much potential. If you just forget about your past and look towards the future I think that you could move mountains. I am not worried about you. I know that you will have the others to care for you. I only ask that you take care of them too. Don't be afraid to let them see how much you care for them.

I will remember you always Inuyasha. My heart is breaking just knowing that I will never be able to see you again. Please know that I will think of you always. I will think of you when I make ramen, when I shoot an arrow, and when I sit by the god tree. I will think of you every time I look at a sunset, every time I see a puppy, and every time I use the word sit. I don't think I will ever sit in a math class again without looking towards the window and expect you see you staring back at me. My life has been forever changed since the day that I reached out to touch that arrow in the tree. I promise that I will keep you in my memory always. I have no choice. One always remembers the first time they had felt the way that I do. Please forgive me, Inuyasha. I had no choice. But I have no regrets. Don't worry about me. Just be happy. That's all I have ever wanted for you. Just be happy.

Sincerely,

Kagome

P.S I love you.

Near an old and rotting well a few miles from a small village, a silver haired boy held a letter in a shaking hand. His eyes skim over the contents again and again as if the words would change if he read it enough. The boy's eyes finally settle over a single line, one that could be so easily lost in the multiple pages. P.S I love you. The boy stares at that line for several moments until the letters begin to blur. A single tear falls onto the crisp white paper, blurring the ink. But the words still remain burning holes of sorrow in the boy's very soul.

(A.N Now before you all beat me senseless for such a sad ending I do plan to follow up with a sequel. That is if you guys like this one. I am even considering doing one on rin and shessy. Maybe even take this idea and transpose it to a few other manga once I read enough of them to know what I am talking about. I found an excellent site for online manga. If you would like to have it PM me. I don't know if I could post it here.

For those of you who want to beat me up for another reason, mainly the lack of Teaching Inuyasha Christmas Chapters recently let me apologize. I got two good excuses. One is that I am getting over burden with homework and stayed up till one in the morning just to finish this story. And two I got a major attack of writers block. But I am pushing hard to overcome it and hope to have another chapter by the end of the month. Please don't hurt me. Ramen's anonymous is also being attempted so please be patient. I am working hard among the pile of papers lab reports and useless memos to bring you more fiction. Till then I ask your indulgence. Besides seven more weeks and summer will be here bringing plenty of free time.)


	2. chapter two Inuyashas letter

**Chapter two Inuyasha's letter**

Dear Kagome,

You know for someone who lives hundreds of years in the future with volumes of knowledge beyond any of our understanding, you can be so stupid sometimes. What were you thinking running off like that, without an explanation, without any warning but a note left behind at the well? You said that I could never understand the reasoning behind your departure and you were right. I can't. I don't understand how you could rationalize that you were not needed here. How could you just give up and decide that we were better off without you. That we were safer and could be happier without you at our side. Let me tell you Kagome that you were wrong.

You say that the last few years were the best of your life. You state that all of us have touched you in some way, but you never stopped to consider the possibility that you have touched us too. Shippo loves you. He depends upon you as any child would a mother. You have always been there to comfort and calm him when he was afraid or care for him when he got sick. Ever since his father died, you have been his everything. So how could I tell him that you are not coming back now? How can I sit at night and listen to him cry for you but not being able to do anything to comfort him. He needs you. I know what its like not to have anyone. Don't do that to him.

Sango says she understands your reasoning's and that she only wishes you to be happy, but I can tell she is lying. She has considered you a sister just as much as you considered her to be one. You have helped her to get over the major lost of her family and helped her to realize the ability she has to love Miroku. S She saw you as a family member and now you are gone. She has already lost kohaku and everyone in her village. Now she thinks that she is going to lose you. I can see that that tears her apart inside. I know that she does not want to be selfish so she won't protest you leaving. But I know she wants you to come back too.

Miroku also misses you even though he does not show it. Damn stoic monk. You're not the only one who has benefited from your friendship. How many times have you offered him advice of your own? Advice that has helped him move past that perverted façade he tries to project and show how much he truly cared for Sango. How many times have your words helped him to avoid pushing her away? Without you here, he is hopeless and will end up being beaten to death by Sango before the month is out. Without you he will ruin everything has accomplished so far. He needs you too.

And me Kagome, you have helped me in so many ways. Not just by releasing me from that cursed arrow. Not just by keeping my demon side at bay and stopping me from killing, but you have helped me learn to live again. When Kiko pinned me to that tree the part of me that cared for people died. Until you came along all caring for people, ever got me was someone I loved being hurt or killed. And after Kiko's betrayal, I decided to lock that part of me away so no one else could hurt me again. But something happened. You came walking through the woods one day, strange scandalously clad women who looked upon me and did not feel fear. YOU did not hate me for being a half-breed nor did you run for me. Though I was helpless and powerless you did not move to kill me as anyone else with the opportunity would. Instead, you were willing to help me. You trusted me without any reason too. I could have killed you the second you released me from that tree, but that did not stop you. You knew that something in me was good, something was worth saving.

You refused to see me like everyone else saw me. A monster and a freak. Someone to be afraid of or to look down upon because he was a hanyou. But you saw me for how I was. I remember you telling me that you liked me as a half-demon. No matter what my flaws were, you accepted them and even loved me for them. I know that now. That night when I was poisoned and you held me I realized just what it felt like to be loved. Not to be needed like Kiko needed me but to be loved for everything I was, unchanged and raw. You taught me to love myself and to be proud of what and who I was. That was something that I never thought would be possible. I never thought that I could be satisfied with just being a half demon but with you, I am. With you, I am able to believe that I am good and have something to offer to this world.

You have always been able to do that. To look at someone and automatically see the best in that person. You have always been able to bring out those qualities whether they want you to or not. You brought out the best in me. You taught me how to trust and care for others again. It was a slow process. I was so afraid that you would leave that I resisted all your attempts to get close to me. Yes, I pushed you away out of fear. Not because I thought that you were better off at your own world or that your were destroying the lives around you. No that was not it. It was all because of fear. I was afraid of the devotion and protectiveness I felt for you. I was afraid of the confidence and self-assurance you made me feel every time you stood fearlessly at my side no matter what foe we faced. I was afraid of the way that you could look me in the eyes and instantly I was willing to do anything just so I could see you smile again. I was afraid to care for you so instead I pushed you away.

I figured that if I could only make you leave then I would never again have to risk opening myself up and end up getting hurt all over again. I decided to try and hate you instead. To make you leave. But, no matter how many times I tried to make you leave for good. No matter how many times I called you names and treated you badly, you came back to me. You would always forgive me. And as time went by, I couldn't bring up the nerve to fight with you anymore. I did not want to see that pain across your face every time I screamed. I did not want to have you angry at me. I wanted to feel the acceptance and love that you offered me with every look and every simple touch. I wanted to believe you cared and that I could care for you too. You taught me to let go of all the anger and the pain of the past and hold out hopes for a brighter future. How can you think that all these good things could have been a mistake?

I don't believe you when you say that you are fighting your destiny by coming her. I don't think that you are trying to rewrite fate. I think that you were meant to be pulled into the well that day. That you were meant to shatter the jewel. It's because of you that we are even together today. If that jewel never shattered, we would never have meant. Miroku would still be in the south looking for Naraku and Sango would still be off trying to avenge her village. They would never have meet or fell in love. They both would have probably ended up being killed instead. Shippo would probably have been killed trying to avenge his father instead of growing to be the strong boy that he is now. And I would still be pinned to the tree.

And what about all the others that we have helped along the way? What about all the demons that we have slain and all the lives that we have saved? Could that really have been a mistake? Because of you we have saved countless villages from being destroyed. Thanks to you we have changed hundreds of lives for the better. Could that every be wrong? Could Sango and Miroku meeting and falling and love be wrong? Could Shippo living really not be meant to be? Naraku would still have grown in power. Without the jewel he would have just traveled from place to place and absorbed all the powerful demons he could killing everyone in his way. He would still have tried to rule the world only this time we would not be here to stand in his way. Fifty years before you ever came through the well Naraku had the power to put a permit curse on Miroku's family. He was already strong. The only effect of you coming here is that you gave us the ability to fight back.

Without you here to hold us together how long do you really think that we are going to last? You are the glue that holds us together Kagome. And you mean the world to us. We need your happiness to keep us going after we lose a fight. We need you to dress our wounds and lift our spirits. We need your enthusiasm when it's raining and we want to give up. Sango needs a confident and Miroku needs a chaperon. Shippo needs his mother back and I would gladly be sat one hundred times just to hold you in my arms.

Because I love you Kagome. I was afraid to tell you that before but now I'm not. Because I know you knew this was wrong the moment you got back didn't it. I know because I felt it too. Its not selfishness, its fate. I belong at your side. We are like two halves of a single soul. We were meant to meet each other. Why else would you have stumbled upon me in the forest? Why else would you have had the power to pull out the arrow? Why else would you have shattered the jewel? Could this be all a coincidence? No. There are way too many signs.

We were meant to spend our life together. To fight side by side against to Naraku and beat him. We were meant to destroy the jewel and retire to a quiet life in the village. I want to build you a house in the village just like you dreamed of. I want to marry you and mark you to show both worlds that we were meant to be together and that nothing they could do would every split us apart. I want to hold you each night and wake up to you in the morning. I want to watch your belly grow round with my child and to hold our newborn in my arms. I want to watch our children grow up along side Sango's and Miroku's. I want to watch them play in the village together. I don't care if I will outlive you. I would become human if I could. But even if I can't I don't care. I would follow you into death if that were what you would like. I would be proud to follow you into the afterlife. I don't care. I know that we are meant to be together. I can feel it in my heart every time you look at me. I can see my future mirrored in your eyes. I can see all my dreams in your smile. And I am happy. You are meant to be with us. We all know this. I am not leaving without you. Please come to your senses and come home. I will wait for you.

Sincerely,

Inuyasha

P.S I love you. Please come home.

Kagome clutched the sheet of paper she had found in the well to her chest as tears fell down her face. Tears full of the joy that she had not felt since the day she had pinned that note to the side of the well streamed down his face. She felt so stupid for leaving. Yes, it was hard to protect the jewel day after day. Yes, they risked there lives, but suddenly she did not care. Suddenly, the future did not seem so important. She was in love and he loved her back. He wanted to live with her forever. And she wanted to be at his side as well. Somehow, it would work out. Smiling Kagome ran up the steps and grabbed the bloated yellow bag, which she never could bring herself to unpack. She was going home. And that was all that mattered.

(A.N. I think that went well, what you think? I found it a little harder to slip into Inuyasha's character simply because he is more informal and that is hard to incorporate into letters and still have people understand what you are talking about. Still I think I captured him decently. Well this is it for this unless you want me to add something. I don't know what I would add but if you have a suggestion, you can request it.

So what is next? I have completed half of chapter eight of Teaching Inuyasha Christmas. I know I promised it by the end of the month but don't know if it will make it. I got lots of homework but I am trying my best. It should only take a few more nights to get it done. Please, Please, Please be patient. Now besides that I also have gotten a story request that I plan to work on and of course, Ramen's Anonymous is on my desk. I am having loads of trouble with that but I am working hard on it. I hope to have another chapter up by the end of the month but no promises. I am just wishing for the summer when I will have all the time in the world to write. But alas still got five long weeks to go before that happens. Till then please review and let me know what you think of this chapter. Hope you liked it)


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